OH Bud! Happy Canada Day! Time to fire up the ol’ sled, give’er a rip through the bush, swing through Timmies for a double-double, maybe a box of Timbits if we’re feelin’ real patriotic, and hoof it over to Prythian before the skeeters get bad.
We kick today’s run off with that absolute titfucker Rhys just apparating into Fey’s cell and immediately licking the tears off her face like it’s the last salt lick north of Sudbury. Bold strategy there, good buddy. Not creepy at all. Happy Canada Day to me.
Confirmed that Rhys now had some kind of mental bond with Fey 🚩 which honestly at this point I’ll take it. Could be worse. Also bonus. No more skanking it up for him tonight. 💅 Working girl Fey has the night off. But tomorrow? Tomorrow apparently to quote Kesha… “We go ha, ha, HA, ha, HA, HARD!” 🍷✨ She also mentions that given the chance she would love to rip Rhys apart. (I bet she would 😜 😘) Then laments that she loved to get wine drunk so she couldn’t remember what was actually happening. Classic trauma response there, bud.
Her and Rhys also chit chat about what he would actually do to her while she was at his place and Rhys then starts explaining what life at his place is gonna be like, and lads… this man says the single most unhinged thing he’s said in forty-four chapters. “I’ll torment you by teaching you how to read” Ohhh sick burn! Bud. He’ll torment you by forcing you to do the one thing you never let Tam do! You absolute fucking pylon. She’ll fucking love it!
While en route to getting ready with Rhys ladies Fey and the girls hide and she gets to overhear a conversation between the Attor and somebody else. Sounds like the High King of Hybern (yes I looked up the spelling because I ain’t freehanding fantasy names anymore) isn’t too pleased with Mandy and she apparently cost him the battle with the mortals cause she was obsessed with Jurian (I swear I thought his name was Durian. Like the fruit that smells like hockey equipment left in the trunk all summer.) her obsession with revenge is her weakness. Then it was Jurian and revenge for her sister and now its Tam and by proxy Fey. Girl’s running on pure spite. She needs to touch some grass. Unfortunately she’s trapped Under the Mountain.
There is this whole bit where she is hallucinating and hearing music and then thinking of Tam. Respectfully… BOOOOOORING! Wheel, snipe celly. NEXT! While this music did give Fey some hope that she could persevere in the darkest times under this fucking mountain. Her current life is colorless. If only she could paint… If only…
Cut to party night Quebec City Tabernaque! Fey’s once again painted up and wearing what can generously be described as “business casual for the faerie nightclub.” Not drunk (Yet). And Tam brushes by. Cauldron boil me. They make contact subtly and then meet at coat check to make out. Tam busts out the neck bite. A vintage Tamlin move that by now lads if you aren’t doing for your ladies. You’ve failed. The clues are right there in the source material. (TAKE FUCKING NOTES!) Anyway, I can imagine that Fey is a smudgy mess and there is body paint all over everybody’s cloak at the coatcheck. Who’s gonna explain that to the guests. But Rhys catches them mid act. How embarrassing. Getting caught? Tam probably half… Awake…Clothes are torn. Not like Fey had much to tear to begin with. Rhys shames them both in a way only a man wearing boots worth more than my first car could. He fixes everything with his magic and sends Tam packing. With Tam gone Rhys starts making out with Fey once he hears somebody coming closer. This is obviously a coverup. As Mandy and a bunch of No Frills™ brand Court of Fae onlookers gawking at them in the closet like some pre-teens forced together for 7 minutes in heaven only to have people barge in at minute 5 to see if they are indeed kissing. Fucking perverts! Get your own human, ya weirdos. This one is spoken for! Or at least under very aggressive negotiations… Mandy chuckles the gawkers gawk and Rhys sends her back to her cell.
Later Rhys shows up and we see a totes different side of the guy. Slumped down, he breaks his normal character and lets loose some of “the plan” Things are starting to come together I suppose. Things are aligning. As much as he’s having fun. Its all calculated. Sure he could die. But there are bigger things at play. Fey always taking things at face value sees the bigger picture. Girl needs to think more strategically. Big news here is that Rhys papa killed Tams Dad and brothers. Ugh. That means that Tam and Rhys are enemies regardless of pretty much everything else.
So now we’ve got:
❤️ Fey loves Tam.
🧠 Fey’s magically linked to Rhys.
⚔️ Tam and Rhys have generational beef.
As we’d say back home…
That’s a real dog’s breakfast right there.
This isn’t going to end well. As Rhys put it “The fate of the immortal world is left to an illiterate human” And guess what I’m not done. Buddy, no pressure…
Third and final challenge is upon us. Yeah I’m still running. or rather I’m doing my walk cooldown now. Back in her old ass shit clothes Fey is back in the casino floor and everybody is gathered around. They are all ready for this girl to die. Like its been real human but guess what you’re gonna die and we’ll all suffer under this bitches rule forever now. Thanks a lot. The last challenge you can guess is a whopper. One with cheese and fries. Large size. They cart out three people in hoods. Turns out Fey has to kill each one by stabbing them in the heart with a dagger made of Ash. Sheesh. Murder three to save everybody? Now I thought originally this was going to be her family. But naw its not. Then as they started to reveal them I was like oh the last one is gonna be Alis. Then naw. She murders the first two. With some hesitation. But overall she does it. For Tam. For Prythian. For the boys. But then last person. bada-bing! Its Tam! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! Turns out the Tam on stage? Just an imposter! its the Attor glamoured to look like Tam! Mandy cackles! OH NO! So I know this part is going to get good. The music of the Graphic Audio’s orchestra is absolutely COOKING. Shout out to those beauties! Y’all the MVP! It’s like a movie for your ears! Fey starts to spiral. Then in a fit of how am I going to do this/should I kill myself/should I kill Tam. Then…AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS… SHE THINKS Like actually thinks… All those little breadcrumbs shes heard over the last few weeks and months playback in her head. Super dramatically mind you but she works it out. All this time she’s been in the right place at the right time to hear the right information about how to solve this problem. Everything has led up to this very moment where. She now knows that she cant kill Tam with the Ash knife cause… CAUSE! Buddy… his heart is made of FUCKIN’ STONE 🪨 She exchanges the “I know your hearts made of stone” look to Tam and Tam fires back the “I know so fucking cool right” and Rhys looks at her and shoots “Cauldron please would you stab the fuck and get this over with” and Mandy face is like “Kill the bastard so I can come” and the Attor in the corner is like “I wonder whats for dinner” and Alis is like “Dang Feyre never told me her father was kinda cute” and Nesta was making the face of “….🤬….”
Covered in blood Tam newly stabbed and now supposed to be free Mandy immediately pulls the biggest “Well technically…” since every beer league ref who’s ever lived. “Nah, I never actually SAID I’d free you right away.” OH GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. The David’s No Frills™ band of Fae are getting rowdy and restless. Like Leafs fans after Game 7. The darts are being put in mouths, sleeves are being rolled up. A battle is looming I can tell. I think Mandy is the more posed person to win here. But Rhys and the degens from up country might stand some chance. If only somebody knew the answer to that damn riddle… if only there was a singular 4 letter word that could be spoken to really shake things up? 🤔 I swear to the mother herself if in the next 10 minutes of this book if Feyre says the “Answer is Love” and that breaks the curse. Then Mandy deserves everything thats coming to her cause she made the worlds easiest security question. Anyway that’s where I’m parked for today. 🇨🇦 Canada Day. 98%. About thirty minutes left in Book One. What a fucking ride.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna crush a DC, apologize to absolutely nobody, and see how this all goes sideways tomorrow.
Pitter patter.